just to get real for a second, i am on so much medication that 24 hour nausea is just a part of my life, which seems counter intuitive to my pathetic situation/life in general but i’m not a doctor. additionally, my center of balance doesn’t exist and i’m always on the verge of falling over and i’m covered in bruises from falling over on things so that’s pretty attractive. then i get asked if they’re working and i’m all, “i don’t know”. 

people aren’t just crazying it up for reality tv, recovery is a whole other set of difficult. as difficult as spending the past five years undiagnosed and being told that i’m just making up problems (thanks, gw)? as difficult as the past few months? yes, it’s all almost practically equally difficult.where do you even go with recovery? you’ve never been normal and now all of a sudden people assume you’re cured and back to the person they thought you were. when like, i still don’t feel like a human being but just like this thing that is watching this person do sad, stupid things. what up, depersonalization and tips of the iceberg. 

i told my doctor/bff that i don’t know my life without all this insanity and i don’t even know what i like outside of the horrible things and people and he says that knowing what you don’t like is a big step towards figuring out what you like and by golly, do i know what i don’t like or don’t want to do. 

on a lighter note, this ~experience~ brought me way closer to my really good friends and also reconnected me to friends that i’ve really missed. i’m lucky to have cool people in my life that i get and get me back. t r u s t.